


Cabin Fever

by xxTigerAvatarxx



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, Holiday, M/M, New Relationship, Post canon, after the promised day, and kind of an asshole, couple retreat, drunk roy, edward being a dumbass, getaway, mustang being ridiculous, roy is trying his best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:44:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxTigerAvatarxx/pseuds/xxTigerAvatarxx
Summary: The Roy Mustang most people knew was an appointed General in the Amestrian military, hell-bent on rising to the rank of Führer and reshaping the entire country. He was a man who had stared death in the face, not once, but twice in his life, and had still sought to challenge God after his eyesight had been stripped away. He had a cold exterior, hardened from his time served in the Ishvalan War, and was a hero to the nation.The Roy Mustang that Edward Elric knew was a fucking idiot.In which Ed and Roy have a weekend away and alcohol is involved :x





	Cabin Fever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SadVegeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadVegeta/gifts).



> I was sadvegeta's secret santa this year! I hope it's to your liking, as I've never done mushy happy stuff before haha. I really enjoyed working on this project, so I hope you enjoy reading it! Merry Christmas!

Roy Mustang, Edward surmised, had to be the most ridiculous man in all of Amestris.

It had been the older man’s idea to have a weekend away, just the two of them. With everything that had been happening since Edward’s return and Roy’s promotion, they both needed the time off. It had seemed like a good idea. They had both been in agreement. The two of them had spent a few days picking out a location and had decided to rent a cozy cabin up north in the mountainside. It was nearing the end of fall, so the snow wouldn’t be unmanageable, but would certainly be enough to give them (another) excuse to stay indoors and cuddle all weekend. It had seemed like the perfect vacation plan…

Edward should have guessed the trip would descend into mayhem. For one thing, it was them, and where they went, chaos followed. And for another thing, as Edward learned very quickly, he had never been around Roy Mustang when he was drunk.

And currently, Roy Mustang was very, very, very drunk.

Hips swaying out of rhythm with his own horrendous caroling, the General looked nothing short of a mess. Amber liquid sloshed around in the near-empty bottle still clutched in his hand as he paraded around the small cabin in nothing but a pair of (much too silky, much too tight) boxer briefs and a pair of socks. His hair was mussed from its usual kept state, which was disrupted by the red-striped tie secured around his forehead. Being the absolute dumbest, most insane person Edward had ever had the joy of meeting, Roy had fashioned the tie in such a way that the fabric fell into his face and disrupted his vision. As much as a part of Edward wanted to help his distressed boyfriend by fixing the tie for him, another (admittedly, the larger) part of him was too amused by the scenario it created. 

The poor man, drunk out of his mind, was trying his absolute damnedest to put on a show for Edward; but between the alcohol, his socked feet, and the offending fabric draped in his face, the resulting movements were less dance-like and closer to an oversized child slipping on a patch of black ice. Mustang’s body twisted and jerked in what Edward could only imagine the General thought counted for extraordinary dance moves, judging by the man’s cheeky grin as he peered over at the blond on the couch. Clumsily, Mustang offered a wink (or what passed for a wink) to Ed before breaking into another, much louder, verse of the Yuletide hymn.

God, did he love this man.

The Roy Mustang most people knew was an appointed General in the Amestrian military, hell-bent on rising to the rank of Führer and reshaping the entire country. He was a man who had stared death in the face, not once, but twice in his life, and had still sought to challenge God after his eyesight had been stripped away. He had a cold exterior, hardened from his time served in the Ishvalan War, and was a hero to the nation.

The Roy Mustang that Edward Elric knew was a fucking idiot.

He took another sip of the clear alcohol in his glass, not even knowing its name. He had never been one to indulge. Although he did know that he hated brown liquor from that time at Al’s birthday, Edward hadn’t had much experience with other alcohols. Roy had poured this one for him, telling him he would like it. 

He didn’t.

It tasted like he was licking a fucking pine tree, and made his hair stand on end. Still, he didn’t hate it. The fact that it wasn’t palatable to him had made him drink less and had allowed him to witness this fine moment in history. Edward wished he had thought to bring a camera… this was blackmail gold.

Just then, Mustang slipped on the hardwood floor and lost his footing. Any movement he made to right himself only caused him to become further off-balance and closer (too close, too close!) to Edward. The blond tried to move in time, but his reaction time was off and there was nowhere left to run. The drink flew from Edward’s hand and shattered on the floor somewhere as 160 lbs of deadweight dropped onto his lap. Mustang immediately started busting a gut when he realized what happened.

“Sowry… Shuhrry.. Ed-ohhh,” the General actually giggled as he tried to squirm his way back to his dance floor.

Edward didn’t find it half as amusing as his boyfriend did. He was covered in gross pine secretions (he subconsciously threw the mystery liquid up on his list directly beneath milk) and now bruised. Sighing as the man in his lap (fucking finally) found his footing and began to get off of him, Edward grabbed his waistband to stop him. Or… tried. All he really ended up doing was stripping his boyfriend as the man started to walk away from him.

“He-Heeyyyyy… Edwurd-uh! Hhey!….. No…Meannsuh no!” Mustang feebly swatted at him, tittering with laughter as he did. Edward rolled his eyes, moving his hold to the man’s wrist instead and stood up beside him.

“I’m not stripping you, idiot. I’m trying to take you to bed.” Edward knew as soon as the words left his mouth that they would earn a comment from Mustang. With the alcohol clouding his brain; however, the man’s only response was to totter away, boxer briefs slipping dangerously low on his hips. Edward was wordlessly pulled along with his boyfriend, reciting the laws of alchemy to himself in order to prevent his hands from… wandering.

He had just gotten to the last few lines when the wrist he was holding onto dropped suddenly, following Mustang’s body as it fell to the floor. Edward yelped and was yanked down unexpectedly, smacking his head on Roy’s shoulder. There was a groan from beside him and he could only imagine that Roy had also hit his head, albeit on the hard floor instead of a conveniently placed boyfriend.

“That’s it. I’m taking your gloves and burning your socks.” Edward sighed and flipped onto his back next to the man.

“You shaid- owwie ow… ow.” Mustang grabbed his head, somehow still giggling through the pain. “You… you candt usee alcermy… stoopid.” 

“I’ll throw them in the fireplace then. Either way, your feet are going to be cold for the rest of the trip and I, for one, will be very entertained.” He flipped into a crouching position, standing to stretch and crack his back, before starting across the room. “We’re not making it to the bed. I’m bringing the fucking bed to us.”

“Nuuuu.. don leaffv me!” Mustang whined, rolling his body from side to side like a petulant child.

“Shut up and behave, you gremlin.” Edward laughed to himself, shaking his head as he crossed the threshold into the bedroom. What had he gotten himself into by dating this toddler? Smiling to himself despite his annoyance, he quickly gathered up a comforter and a few pillows from the bed. After debating for a short while, he grabbed a spare blanket from the closet. He was known to be a blanket fiend while he slept, and he didn’t have to punish Mustang that much (even if he wanted to). Once he decided his bundle of bedding was sufficient, he walked back into the main room-

-and promptly noticed his missing boyfriend. Edward dropped the bedding, throwing his head back in exasperation.

“Rooooooooyyyy”, he practically sobbed. “Where the hell did y-AH!” Arms wrapped suddenly around Edward’s waist, curling around his stomach, and pulling him into a solid (and warm) body. 

“I mished you.” A low voice cooed in his ear, hot breath fanning over his cheek. Edward felt the blood rise in his cheeks as strong hands softly stroked his chest and stomach.

“I was just gone for a few seconds, idiot.” Roy giggled at that, dropping his hands. Edward turned to give his boyfriend a long look, while Roy’s slightly unfocused gaze held his own. The man was so handsome that it should be criminal… even when he was dead drunk. His midnight blue eyes drew Edward in everytime, and he found himself drowning in the man’s gaze.

“Let’s get you to bed, ‘kay?” Edward managed, finally dropping his gaze and scooping up the abandoned bedding, pulling his boyfriend over to the center of the room. Roy tugged back on Edward’s grip, once more reminding the blond of a toddler.

“Dun wannaaa.” Roy was pouting. He was actually pouting. Edward rolled his eyes.

“Tough shit.” He knelt down then, tossing the pillows down, and spreading the comforter out on the floor. He tugged on Roy’s wrist, inviting him down to the makeshift bed. Edward was relieved to see the man (finally) comply and kneel down beside him, before flopping forward to bury his head in the pillow. Laughing, Edward yanked the comforter out from beneath the General and laid it over the top of them both as he lay down next to him. He thought about turning out the lights, but there weren’t many on and he didn’t think it would be too bothersome. 

Plus, he was fucking exhausted after daycare duty. 

“I looooofv you,” a voice came from his right. Edward turned to see the man smiling at him, the adoration in his gaze almost overwhelming. Edward exhaled a small laugh and turned on his side to face Roy.

“Yeah… I love you too, you big dork.” Roy chuckled and let his eyelids droop a bit. He was definitely about to pass out hard, and Edward seized the opportunity to lean over and kiss his forehead. The only response from the older man was a soft twitch of his lips, but Edward knew he would remember it in the morning. 

“Merry Christmas, Roy.”


End file.
